Of Cooking and Steaks
by Reimei-Jennoir
Summary: In which a sadistic, human-loving, information broker flea starts teaching a brutal neanderthal in a bartender's outfit and all hell breaks loose. Or more specifically, the mouth-watering, tender steaks. ShiZaya


**"Of Cooking and Steaks"**

**Shizuo . X . Izaya**

**Oneshot**

The crisp morning air and the sound of cicadas greeted everyone who woke into this wonderful day and stepped out to meet the glaring sun. The weather was perfect for a Sunday, the best relaxation day of the week and the best day to go out and bond with your families and friends.

The best day to watch the view from a shady spot as a vending machine soars above people's heads and land in a crushed pile beside a black-clad teen who just dodged it 3 milliseconds ago.

"Shizu-chan really doesn't take me seriously, huh?" Izaya Orihara murmured, putting a finger on his lip and giving the attacker a mocking pout, "I even made all these arrangements.."

"Nobody takes that shitty face of yours seriously, I-ZA-YA!" the blonde bartender, Shizuo Heiwajima, practically growled out as he ripped out from the ground another poor victim standing a couple of feet from him, which happens to be a stop sign, and hurled it towards the other man.

"Well, now you have to," He dodged swiftly, landing beside the other man and tapping his shoulders, "C'mon, I have nothing better to do, AND you have something you REALLY have to do,"

Shizuo hissed under his breath, finding the raven haired boy correct once again. The recap of a few hours ago started with a call from his brother Kasuka, asking him if he could come over later dinner to enjoy his brother's company. Shizuo really didn't mind, but something was bugging him that it had him talking to himself. What could he cook? Honestly speaking, all he could cook was a steak. A big, juicy, mouthwatering steak that wasn't fit for the occassion. He ended up blabbering at thin air, or that was until the flea showed up and offered to teach him to cook something else.

Which the blonde refused. Violently. In all creative and murderous ways.

"I'm not doing any harm this time, Shizu-chan," Izaya smirked, giving him the impression that his face and his words weren't on the same dimension just now, "I'll be very patient with teaching you and-"

"Which ones?"

"Pardon?"

Shizuo let out a shaky breath, trying to contain his irritation as he straightened himself up, "Which dishes are you gonna teach me?"

Izaya's face lit up, hands clasping together as he chuckled, "Let's have soup as an appetizer, two main dishes and a lil' dessert for last!" He twirled around as he started marching to Shizuo's appartment with open arms, "I call it, the Izaya Special!"

The start was utterly miserable for Izaya's part, pitying the poor blonde whose refrigerator was empty of food but full of pet cockroaches here and there. They spent the next 3 hours shopping for ingredients, with courtesy of a wallet that Izaya had "found" somewhere, at which Shizuo pressumed was translated as "threatened someone and pickpocketed them while they were busy pissing their pants off".

They got back in the appartmemt with all the supplies, dumping them on the counter and Izaya already washing his hands.

"Wash your hands, Shizu-chan. Wouldn't want any dirty blood of the last person you strangled on the food now do we?"

Shizuo huffed, "I could say the same to someone who just tortured a kid mentally,"

"Hey, atleast there wasn't bloodshed,"

Izaya turned on the stove, putting a frying pan filled with oil on it and proceeded to chop the vegetables in swift motions.

'Nothing less expected from an expert on flick knives,' Shizuo thought as he awkwardly stood beside the raven, "Hey so... Umm... What can I do?"

"Chop the meat and use the other pan to fry it to a golden brown," Izaya instructed, not at all faltering with his chopping frenzy.

Shizuo did as instructed, mimicking the raven's slicing manner and finding the task done in a couple of minutes. He heated the pan and put the meat into it. Izaya watched him carefully, nodding at the right actions, before stirring his pan with the spoon.

Izaya turned back, "Let's make the main dish then,"

Shizuo followed him and they started whisking eggs and batter, dumping shrimps onto breading mixes and forming sushi dishes for later. Everything was going well until Izaya smelled the scent of barbeque sauce in the air.

"What the-?" He stared into Shizuo's pan, where the supposedly chopped meat were supposedly turning into golden brown.

Instead, he sees a giant steak on it. Complete with the bbq sauce.

"How the hell did something you chop become whole- and more importantly- into a different type of meat?!" Izaya yelled at the blonde, who also gave a questioning look, "Last time I checked, I made you chop chicken, not beef!"

"Ah, maybe I'm really no good at this," Shizuo shrugged and Izaya could feel a little guilt form in his throat.

"I'll just teach you something else," The raven sighed as he turned off the pan, dumped its contents on a plate, and place it back before handing Shizuo the bowl of vegetable slices, "Mix them with the juice and pour them into the pot. Close it immediately so the air won't come out"

Once again, Shizuo obliged in a robotic manner, his arm making the whisking motions as he mixed the ingredients thoroughly. Once he was done, he quickly poured the contents into the pot and shut it securely with the cover.

"Let it boil,"

The next thing Izaya knew after an hour was the way Shizuo looked at him with a blank face, holding the pot in his hands, and the shorter of the two peering inside it.

"Okay, the first one was acceptable since they're both meat but..." Izaya's brow twitched at the sight of two freshly made steaks in the pot where the vegetables were supposed to be, "Vegetables into Steaks?! How in fucking hell did that happen?!"

"Not sure either," Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly.

Izaya looked pissed, and Shizuo found himself thanking the steaks that appeared so randomly for getting him so worked up. His cheeks were puffed out and red, and his fists were balled to show how irritated yet determined he was about getting him to learn.

So lastly, came dessert which was supposed to be chocolate mousse. SUPPOSED TO BE. Not until Izaya saw a steak sticking out of the glass container where it was supposed to be placed on.

"You know what?! Do it yourself Shizu-chan Heiwajima!" Izaya hissed, stomping over to the door and grabbing his coat by the stand, "Stuff him with steaks for all I care!"

"Yeah, hate you too,"

The moment he saw the raven-haired teen disappear into the crowd, he let out the laugh that he was holding back the whole time, going as far as to clutch his sides in exaggeration and thumping his fist on the countertop.

"PRICELESS!"

Later that evening, Kasuka entered the apartment building and the smell of something delightfully mouth-watering assaulted his nose. He found himself in the dining room, staring at the full course dinner presented before him, and Shizuo smiling to welcome him.

"Did you make all of this?" Were his first words.

"Sure did!" He chimed and let Kasuka sit down. He gave him a portion of each meal- a bowl of soup, two main dishes, and a glass of chocolate mousse, "I call it the Shizuo special,"

"Brother, that's amazing,"

Shizuo smiled triumphantly before he leaned in and gave his brother a pat on the head, "Don't forget the Steak. I made a lot so make some room, okay?"

**FIN~**


End file.
